‘Yes is physical suffering, No is mental suffering’ is the feeling of a person who can’t say no.
What is going on in our minds that makes it difficult for us to reject others?
Although humans have their own ‘individuality’, including their likes, abilities, values, and feelings about various things, ‘being a part of society’ is an important thing that makes humans aware of their own worth. Therefore, there is always an attempt to create similarity to blend in, and create differences to stand out in many forms of action, such as having a group of people who like the same things and express themselves in harmony to feel like they are part of it, or even showing differently to get attention from others, confirming that we are part of it by receiving attention.
These two events are opposite actions, but for the same purpose of ‘social presence’. Therefore, whether we accept or reject, we still feel like we are part of society. It depends on ‘how we think and feel about our own actions’. However, the set of beliefs that we have been told and taught by adults who value ‘helping others’ and ‘compassion is goodness’ makes us feel uneasy when we have to reject someone. This mindset often makes us decide to accept or help others, even though we are not happy. And helping makes us work harder. So how do we deal with this, so that we can still be strong and move forward?
The suffering of Yes Man, something that people who can’t refuse often have to face.
- Physical suffering in people who are ready to accept any job and ask for help from everyone because in addition to having to manage their own work and life, accepting things without refusing causes us to use many times more energy, which may result in the work not being completed and the original work that they were doing being affected due to fatigue.
- Suffering from accepting other people’s work or responsibilities out of necessity, being unable to refuse, or, conversely, suffering from having to refuse because one believes that ‘rejection is a bad thing, is heartless’, etc.
If you don’t want to be a Yes Man who suffers physically and mentally, what should you do?
Evaluate your feelings of wanting to do something or having to do it?
Through self-reflection, we can understand the meaning of rejection more clearly, that rejection can occur with the important evidence that ‘everyone has been rejected, such as direct rejection, which is spoken with words, or indirect rejection, such as not being accepted for a job after announcing the interview results on the internet. Therefore, we have the right to review our feelings towards asking for help, whether we feel ‘wanting to do it or having to do it’.
Evaluate the ability, can do, difficult to do
Rejection is not measured by emotional criteria alone. Many times, we accept tasks without assessing our abilities, resulting in failure to complete the task. We feel disappointed, sad, and may even lose relationships. Therefore, assessing our abilities and physical strength to accept the task is important.
Evaluate success Urgent Wait Very important Not very important
Even if we feel like doing it and have enough energy to do it. Evaluating our original workload and the time period to complete the work is another factor that should not be overlooked. Because if there is a very tight time frame. Internal pressure may affect the work efficiency to not be as good as it should be. Moreover, we may not be able to complete the work on time.
If you evaluate three things and see that you can accept helping, how will the response make you feel? And how will it give you value? These are things that I would like to invite you to reconsider. Because many times, when people help, they often expect something in return. Such as praise, rewards, while those things may be things that are beyond our control. Reviewing the feeling of being a helper, what value does it give you? This is what will encourage you to continue helping others.
And if we can’t handle our feelings, abilities, or success, what should we do with ourselves?
We need to be aware of the body that comes from the feeling of anxiety. Some people have palpitations, have incoherent thoughts, lack concentration, swallow saliva with difficulty, and have difficulty speaking. After being aware and asking for time for ourselves to gradually calm down, relax our breathing, in order to reduce communication while we are feeling anxious.
When our emotions have calmed down, start communicating a negative I message by expressing our feelings and opinions more than talking about him in order to maintain a good relationship. For example, we cannot accept this สมัครสมาชิก UFABET วันนี้ รับเครดิตฟรีทุกวัน job because we are worried that our limited time may cause the assigned work to be unsuccessful.
What happened to him when he was rejected
Observe and assess how he is feeling. If you notice any changes in his body language, posture, tone of voice, or breathing, you may want to reduce the amount of communication you are communicating. Give him time to relax, and be mindful of your communication while he is feeling negative emotions, perhaps from resentment of rejection. As you notice him calming down, you may gradually suggest alternative ways he can get help from other sources.